Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Congratulations! We have a period
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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