i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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