i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
