C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
