She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
