the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
