Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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