So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
