I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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