You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize