i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
