Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His nipple licking is glorious
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