so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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