The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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