Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
