Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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