Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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