the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
