i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
