Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
