Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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