time to smoke my breakfast
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
