Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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