Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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