this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize