Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
