I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
