she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
