When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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