If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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