I wish you could order shots online.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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