The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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