I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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