i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
