Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
