Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
