My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize