My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
