he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
