Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
