i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so let's talk penis.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let's get the cat blown out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
