I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
