dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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