i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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