she woke up with a sticky ear
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
