So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
