dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
