He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
