I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
