I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
