Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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