Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
