are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
