Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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