The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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