what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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