Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
