are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
