Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
