You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
