that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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