I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
