I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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