u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
