I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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