You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
