he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
