dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Alive.
So much puke
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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