its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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